Those Likes Aren’t For You. They’re For Someone Who Doesn’t Exist!

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This is not an article, but a request to stop and think.

I’m writing a piece of this kind for the first time because I feel very strongly about it. You may or may not agree, that’s your choice. But I request you to read the whole thing and at least give it a thought. Even if you think for about five minutes after reading this, it’s worth the effort.

Using an app/AI filters to enhance your clicks is a great use of technology. Removing wires across the mountain views, removing garbage piles (something we can’t always unfortunately get done physically!) within a frame of a quaint highway dhaba, getting rid of haze over the gorgeous peaks or plastic bottles floating over a pond…trust me every photographer does that and quite understandably why. Nature is supposed to stay the way it was before human interference. So their photos must reflect the real views sans the man-made obstructions.

But, when you use an AI filter on your face, pouting up your lips, lightening your skin-tone, or slimming your body, or enlarging your eyes or any other body part, you are creating a fantastical image of yourself that probably gives you momentary pleasure. Am I right? All those likes and appreciative comments bring smile to your face! So who am I or anyone else to depriving you from that smile?

I won’t. All I’m asking is to ask yourselves this: These likes, applauses and kudos…are those for the real you? Before anyone else, we need to start treating ourselves right. Yes, we need external validation too. To keep us going, continue the good work, motivations. But do we really need praises on our fake images? If yes then why? 

Let’s get a little deeper and darker…a little more real, shall we?

I heard actress Jameela Jamil once say this sentence in a podcast and ever since I have not been able to unlearn what I heard. I cannot…ever. This is what she said:

“The modern beauty standards for women were carefully curated by paedophilic men lusting over underage girls.”

Let that sink in. I’ll give you a minute. 

I’m not getting into whether or not that’s a perfect conclusion. Neither do you have to. But her quote made me think and then question everything that has been defining the very core of beauty in the first place.

There are huge teams of coders and app creators, an entire industry if you will,  who are being paid a ton of money to make such apps for us. Their job is to use every little information you’ve shared online with anyone in your entire world, including your insecurities and desires, use that vulnerability, and come up with an image that they know you will want for yourself in a fantasy world. You click on the app, create the image post it online, get applauds and whistles…their job is done. They move on to their next target. Truth be told, this is exactly how a porn industry works. They create a fictional world for you and make you believe it’s real. You experience immense dopamine rush, start believing that fantasy is possible in real life and set your own expectations accordingly. Where in one hand that million dollar industry feed off of your insecurities, you on the other, are stuck in that fictional world and end up being frustrated when your expectations aren’t met in real life.

I’m sure many of you already knew this but probably didn’t care. It’s a small price to pay for staying in a fantasy world that makes YOU happy, right?

It’s just an app! It’s just for fun! Oh I look so cute! Oh my freckles are gone. My lips are fuller. My hips are tight. My waistline is “perfect”. My skin is “flawless”…and so on! You’re happy with your “fakemetic treatment”! So what’s the big deal? 

The big deal is, there is a very sad truth behind all this. There are words we, women…strong, independent, confident, intelligent, intellectual, hardworking, feminist women never say out aloud, still unfortunately think and wish for our own bodies. A perfect body. That flawless figure!

And what is a perfect and flawless body? A fairytale image we have been fed, taught and brainwashed and been told for years after years! Even after decades of talking about body-positivity, embracing ourselves, being comfortable in our own skins, we still fall prey to the first chance we get to jump and try to make ourselves look “better”. Even if that’s NOT real. Even if that takes you ten steps back from all the battles you’ve fought for yourself all these years. 

The fact of the matter is, for centuries, women have been taught to hate their bodies. The moment you stand in front of the mirror, you start finding “flaws”. And you start hating your body. 

This Emma Thompson video changed my life on so many levels and I’ll be ever so grateful to her. In fact, I keep watching it every now and then for inspiration. I urge you all to watch this, and save it on your phones. 

We often forget the first step: Accept and Respect Yourself.  Like Emma suggests, stand in front of the mirror and don’t move. Stand naked. Don’t move, don’t tuck in, squeeze anything, change angles, chin up…just don’t do anything. You will be surprised to discover your journey from hating your body to accepting it and finally loving it. And once you learn to do that, you won’t need any AI app telling you how beauty is defined…ever.

So what’s my reason to suddenly get all worked up and share my thoughts on this extremely sensitive topic? I feel sad about my close ones falling prey to this. Yes it’s personal. But that’s not all. I see random women in metro trains, waiting in queues, banks, malls, cafes, buses, practically everywhere spending hours going through this exact same thing. Consuming content that repeatedly tells them “this is how a perfect body a perfect face should look”. And as a result making them feel inadequate.  This makes me feel heartbroken. It’s tough enough for women to keep up with the “beauty demands” and grooming rituals, and they still don’t make everyone happy. So who are we trying to make happy? Who is really our target audience?

So here’s my request to you all. All women, in particular. Next time when you are about to click on the app that promises you to make you look like a celebrity or remove your “flaws” or get rid of your “imperfections” just stop for a second and ask yourself these questions:

“What flaws? Who defined them as imperfections? Why do I have to adhere to their rulebook of beauty?”

If you stop and think, you will eventually start finding answers. Own your cellulite. Welcome your wrinkles. Embrace your stretch marks. Kiss your scars. They are all parts of you and your growth. They make you human.

Stay healthy. Work on yourself to obtain a healthy body and mind. Surround yourself with positive people exuding good vibes. Believe that you are special and beautiful.

That’s what will set you free. That’s what will bring real happiness and true smiles. Not some stupid app with a fake AI filter. 

Next time you feel the urge to create a fake AI generated image of yourself and post online, imagine your daughter coming up to you one day and asking “Why am I not beautiful?” The uncomfortable yet important question you need to ask yourself is whom should you blame for that day? An AI app or yourself for not stopping for one second and think?

P.S. The cover image I chose to use is a proof of someone who wasn’t happy with the way some of the most gorgeous ladies look and decided to make them “better”. 

Let us know what you think about this article in the comment section below.